Support Agent THX1138: Hello, and thank you for calling GenericGeo, world leader in innovation, synergy, integration, empowerment, and creative solutions for your Geo world. Ask me about our gluten-free geomatics products. This is support specialist agent number THX1138. How might I direct your call?
Caller: The screen and keypad fell off my data collector.
1138: So, will you be in need of support, technical support, billing, sales, marketing, or our rewards program?
Caller: Support, I guess.
1138: Let me put you on hold and connect you with our support team right away.
[7 minutes of a loop of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler]
1138: Hello, this is support specialist THX1138 with GenericGeo, world leader in innovation, synergy, integration, empowerment …
Caller: Are you the same person?
1138: Yes, but I need to log the support ticket under the applicable support matrix.
Caller: Hmm. The screen and keypad fell off my data collector.
1138: What is the model of your device? Is it our Belvidere model? Or is it Percival, Galahad, Gawain, Yvain, Morholt, Lancelot, Bors the Younger, or Brave-Brave Sir Robin model? Was it from our Signature, Artisan, or Craft series?
Caller: I don’t know, the faceplate also fell off… why does it matter?
1138: There can be differences in the hardware and software depending on which division you purchased it from. Was this purchased through our construction, surveying, mapping, geospatial, geomatics, environmental, utilities, government solutions, defense, agriculture, education, recreational, marine, or junior global explorer division?
Caller: Wuh? I do wetland mapping … I guess it was environmental.
1138: I see your support contract is up for renewal. With our extended warranty you do not get telephone support, but with our Premium Chalice™ support package you could do live chat sessions with a support specialist directly on your mobile via text, and with our Premium Grail™ package you can call our support desk 3.5 times per quarter based on our fiscal year. You can also find the answers to most support calls on our website. Just go to the support tab, then enter your email and the model, serial number and firmware version of your GenericGeo device, and a password will be sent to you in two to three business days. If you’d like I can sign you up for a free three-day trial of our Premium Chalice™ and then you can do live chat with one of our support specialists.
Caller: We are kinda chatting right now, eh? So, about my keypad and screen. Could I please talk to someone in technical support?
1138: Okay, I’ll ask my supervisor and see if we can connect you to a technical support associate in our engineering center. Please hold.
[11 minutes of a loop of “Total Eclipse of the Heart”]
Tech Support: [buzz, click, whoosh] привет. Вы достигли поддержка инженерное бюро технической после наших нормальных рабочих часов. пожалуйста, оставьте ваше сообщение после громкого электронный звук следовать [beeeeep]
1138: I am sorry; it appears to be after midnight at our engineering center. According to our knowledge base of support calls, most problems can be resolved by upgrading to the most-current firmware. Do you have current firmware? Would you like to upgrade to our auto-update NextFirmware™ feature? Here is how you check your firmware version: If you hold down the Alt, CTRL, FN keys and power the device on while pressing the GenericGeo key three times in quick succession, the firmware status screen will appear.
Caller: Gee, I would do that but my screen and keypad fell off.
1138: Have you tried shutting down the system and powering back up in “Safe” mode? Maybe it would be helpful if you could tell me the circumstances under which this spontaneous components ejection occurred?
Caller: Well, I was out marking some wetlands and to hang flagging tape, but when I grabbed some wooden stakes I realized I’d left the mallet in the vehicle. So I thought a few taps with the data collector would set the stakes into the soft peat, but “spoing!” the keypad and screen popped off.
1138: I see. For those situations, might we suggest another one of our award-winning solutions, our new carbon fiber 3D printed eCloudHammeroftheGods™ Bluetooth enabled universal field mallet. It comes in reversible right-
or left-hand mode. I’ll connect you with a sales representative; please hold.
[Click. “but now there’s only love in the dark, nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart…”]